Make room for me in the Kennedy compound -- set an extra place at the table, Cousin Teddy, I'm on my way to Cape Cod. I just married in to the Kennedy clan.

My wife, Linda, is the grandaughter of a Scottish woman who had three sisters and a brother. According to my new inlaws, one of them (one of the sisters I presume) married a Scottsman with the last name "Kennedy". That means that theres's a whole portion of my new in-law clan named Kennedy. That makes me a Kennedy... well, a Kennedy cousin in-law.

I see a seat in congress waiting for me. I see long lines eager lobbyests (lobbiests?) waiting to be my best friends and campaign contributors. I see my own key to the congressional cafeteria. I see easy victories in each election just because of my last name.

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I can hardly wait.

Woops, my last name is "Pence". I'll have to change it to "Pence-Kennedy". Or maybe "Kennedy-Pence", because voters don't read the whole name before they vote.

I always believed that Kennedy was an Irish name. Turns out that Kennedy was a Scottish name first. In the distant past, a whole batch of Kennedys got tired of chasing Scottish sheep up and down the Scottish hillsides while drinking Scotch Whiskey and decided that they'd prefer to chase Irish sheep up and down Irish hilsides while drinking Irish whisky.

That means, of course, that the present-day Scotts Kennedys are distant cousins to the Irish Kennedys. But distant cousins are still cousins, right?

I wonder if I'll get the use of the Boston brownstone. And the family boat. I always wanted a boat. But then, maybe I'll have to rent a boat like Patrick Kennedy did -- but on the positive side, I can abandon the boat in whatever condition I feel like since I'm a Kennedy cousin.

I'll abuse airline security guards and fly first class When I have to use public transportation. Most of the time I'll fly on company jets, courtesy of those wonderful lobbiests. Does the Kennedy family own its own jet? Maybe I'll use it.

Life will be great.

But I know it will get even better... My mother has been doing her own geneology and found that one of her ancestors had the last name "Spenser".

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That makes me descended from someone with the same last name as England's Princess Diana.

By my reckoning, that makes me related to royalty.

Buckingham Palace, here I come!

About the author, Paul Pence: Not a life-long Rhode Islander, Paul got to Rhode Island as fast as he could. He has 25 years of writing experience and numerous publication credits including the Providence Journal, the East Greenwich Magazine, Weissmann Travel Reports, Travel Lady Magazine, Jackhammer, Your Skin and Sun, TravelNotes, TexWoman, and many others.

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