Dating, courting and keeping present romances alive with passion are always a challenge these days. Where to go, what to do, how to dress and all that good stuff places a lot of pressures on couples. Let me show you how to go about having a great date in Rhode Island with all the fixins’ and frills and very little pressure.

First, after your date with Brender or Vinnie, which didn’t work out, you and your new date decide on where you are going to go. Being that it is almost spring like weather, you opt for taking a ride to the beach. So, you head on down to “Na’rang’a’sett Beach for a sun baked walk one mid-afternoon. You find lots of quahogs along the way, pleasing your date immensely. Walking hand in hand and reminiscing about your childhood trips to LaSalette Shrine and how no home is complete until they have a bottle of coffee syrup in the fridge, you realize how much in common you have at this point. Time passes quickly and your date said they had a ‘wickit’ good time at the beach but... hey... ja hungry yet? So, your drive a little furtha’to Aunt Carrie’s for some ‘chowdah and clamcakes’. Word of advice, since Aunt Carrie’s is wicked busy, pawk the cawh along one of the side-by-each roads so you can get out of the place easily.

Next, you want to find an ‘ice cream joint’ to invulge in some sweet temptations. An old favorite is a coffee cabinet! (See if these youngins’ now a days even know what you are talking about!) Since Newport Creamery hardly exists anymore, you settle for a Dairy Queen. Not for nuthin’, if you are still hungry, you’ve got to find a wienah joint and ask for ‘3 all the way’. This will really impress your date for sure!

Tired of eatin’, but you don’t want the date to end? Find a duckpin bowling place, since you know all the rules already about this type of bowling. If money is a factor, don’t worry, as this type of bowlin’ is cheap. And better than that, if you’re thirsty and don’t want to splurge, most of these joints come complete with their own bubbla, usually near the lav. Conversation pursuin’, your date starts to comment that their first concert was at the Civic Centah. You said yours was at Rocky Point. No suh! The fireworks start to go off.

Since traffic can start to get pretty busy this time of year in South County (you've never found "Washington County" except on the maps printed off the edge of the state) make sure when you need to make a left hand turn, that you pull your cawh out to block oncoming traffic so you can make that turn easily! This will definitely score big with your date. Oh yeah, make sure you sing the Rocky Point theme song while performing this expert feat of outdoing the other driver. This will definitely charm your date a little more.

Hungry again? Firecrackahs ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL the way out in Woonsocket might be a little far, so travel to Providence for some more excitement. Don’t forget to drive in the breakdown lane on 95 if you are in a real hurry. The Haven Brothahs is always open so you can grab another dog with all the works (don’t forget the celery salt). Ya gotta have a sweet treat after that, so drive (heaven forbid you have to walk) to the ‘hill’ and find a bakery for some zeppollas.

If zepollas aren’t want you desire, maybe some Italian ice? Or bananar or vanillar ice cream? Or travel south again to Allie’s if it’s not too late for some sweets! You might need to stop at ‘Cumbies’ at this point for some gas.

Your date mentions that they need to stop at a package store to buy a bottle of wine for tomorrow’s event that they need to attend. Naturally, they buy a bottle of Sakonnet wine, commenting on how fruity and bountiful it is and cheap! You happen to mention that you got something ‘on special’ at Midland Mall. And, you only had to drive 5 miles to save 2 bucks this time!

Things are starting to wind down, but you want to make sure you can get as much information about this person that you can, since they are wicked cool! They tell you that they got an Associates Degree from RIJC, been on the Bay Queen a few times, don’t come from Cranston, hate gold jewelry but love their ‘high hair’, has a friend that works for the state, they are Italian, puts vinegar on their French fries, was born at Lying-In Hospital AND plans on moving out of their apartment that is in their parents basement. Are you serious?

Now you’re a big hit cuz your date gives you their number, obviously interested. You ask if you can go on another date real soon but you need directions to their place. Well, remember the old building used to be with the big beautiful whale painted on it that you can see from 95? They live a few streets over from there, right where Vinnie Paz used to live! No problem! You can find it; right after you make sure you get an inspection sticker before then from your mechanic so you can pick them up, even though you know your cawh won’t pass. But, who cares! Your gonna head up to Fosta-Glosta for a country drive, take them to Twin Oaks cuz it’s their burth day, catch a ‘show’, and then maybe, just maybe you might get another chance to hear all about how they got sick from eating too many clam cakes, has a friend that works at Stop and Shop, used to live on the ‘East Side’, loves gravy on their pasta, thinks that there's nothing in Connecticut except Foxwoods and a freeway that takes you to New York, wants to visit Li'l Compton some day, and plans on moving to Florider when they are sixty!

Now, that’s romance the Rhode Island way. You know what I’m saying?

About the author, Linda Eagleson: Linda Eagleson has been a writer for as long as she can remember. She has been published in local papers, anthologies, and columns, and participates in poetry slams throughout the state.

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