Dear Den 10 Parents:

I must admit that I had quite a time with your children on our recent camp outing into the Great Swamp Lake camping area. All in all, 14 boys of various ages attended the overnight trip last Saturday and everything went reasonably well. However, it has come to my knowledge that several horrible rumors may have surfaced and I wanted to set a few things straight.

1. I can now confirm that we did actually have 14 boys. My initial count of 16 boys was most likely an error, likely the result of the stimulation the boys received the first meeting when one of the “thoughtful” mom's decided to distribute free cupcakes coated with sugar at 6:30 in the blessed morning. Anyhow, since it has been a week and no parent has called I've gone ahead and notified search and rescue.

2. We did NOT get lost during the hike. In fact, I believe that most of the kids liked the hike the best. The misunderstanding arose when I, using my honed scoutmaster skills, decided to test their sense of direction a bit as in "Does anyone remember where camp is?" We then discussed the various merits of taking a map and what happens when the scoutmaster accidentally leaves it in his truck.

Buy The Era of Exploration Art Prints At AllPosters.com

3. The Campfire. Honestly, there was no way that flames went up 100 feet into the air! I thought 60 feet tops, but those folks from the DEM were not to be deterred in their wild estimate. Of course, it all made sense after I explained my doubts to the fact that there was enough dry wood in that forest to light a birthday candle, so, like a good scoutmaster, I showed the boys how to improvise. I purposefully siphoned some gas out of the car and showed them what happens when you light gasoline vapors while still standing twenty feet from the fire pit. (Note: A merit badge was earned for every cub who practiced stop, drop and roll.)

4: Food WAS served. Whereas some of the boys (and DEM personnel) had used most of our water in a vain attempt to put out foodstuffs that were left too close to the fire-pit, I decided to introduce them to the culinary cuisine of mine called Cold Camp Crunchies with Cheese (Some boys called it uncooked macaroni and cheese out of a box. What jokers!). We followed that with a rousing campfire marshmallow roast and skit. However, the skits were interrupted when several marshmallows spontaneously burst into flame. What made it interesting was that they had not been put into the fire yet. I can only surmise that, given their acrid smell and their reluctance to smother when being stomped upon, some gasoline must have gotten splashed into the bag.

Grizzly Bear Buy Bears Art Prints At AllPosters.com

5. Tents. The rumor that we had only one four-man tent for 14 boys and an adult was completely false. In fact, we had two. That we all slept in one was due to the rather remarkable thunderstorm coupled with imaginative young boys who apparently mistook one of the tents to be a bear. I was not fooled and only began beating it with a stick when I noticed that nobody was going to sleep in it and to prove that it was not a bear.

6. My last comment: I think many of the boys were quite sad to leave the next morning. The way they burst into tears upon seeing their parents was quite moving and was what prompted my rather unique parting words of "good guidance". That some of you thought I was saying "good riddance" is, I think, in poor taste.

I am now planning our next trip. This one will be a "hotel camping trip" and am looking for a suitable location. I should return no later than your child's college graduation.

Regards,

James Collins
ScoutMaster

James Collins lives in his own world with his wife, 3 children, 2 dogs, geriatric cat, goldfish and lizard. You can reach him at jvcollins1965@yahoo.com or checkout his website at www.geocities.com/jvcollins1965

Buy This Art Print At AllPosters.com

Readers Comments About This Page:

Be the first! Add Your Comment!