EVER NOTICE how often we Rhode Islanders use the term: "all set?" I mean, it's really the official, all-purpose saying here in the Ocean State. Retail clerks and grocery checkers use it regularly, but they're mere amateurs compared to waiters and waitresses. Along with a copped attitude and a blunt pencil stub, it's one of the waitress's main tools:

WAITRESS: Y'want anythin' else? Cawfee? Or are you all set?

DINER: Uh, no thanks. I'm all set.

WAITRESS: Check?

DINER: Please.

WAITRESS: (scribble, scribble) Okay, then. You're all set.

Get my drift? But that's nothing. Like Kudzu vines in the south, "all set" has even invaded the hallowed halls of the six o'clock news!

Quite some time ago, I happened to be tuned in to where Doug White—with his Famous Hair perfectly lacquered into place—was onscreen. His face was etched with concern and his wavy lips were moving all over the place.

And, rightly so because there had been a very serious fire in Providence. Doug was interviewing the Fire Chief and the interview went something like this:

DOUG: Chief! Were any of your firemen hurt while fighting the blaze?

CHIEF: No, Doug. They're all set.

Here's another example that hits home. Just last week, I encountered "all set" in my very own neighborhood! Alertly noticing a suspicious man in a suspicious car sitting suspiciously parked, I got nervous. Who knows? I thought. This guy could be a child molester, rapist, burglar, or even a door-to-door evangelist! So, as a diligent Neighborhood Watch guy, I figured I ought to check him out. With much trepidation, I crossed the street and approached his car:

ME: Uh, excuse me. Um, what're you doing here?

SUSPICIOUS GUY: I'm all set.

ME: What does that mean?

SUSPICIOUS GUY: Did you see that police cruiser just leave? I'm all set.

Scratching my head, I went back into the house and called a neighbor.

ME: Have you been watching that guy across the street?

NEIGHBOR: Yeah. I asked him what he was up to and he said he was all set. So I said, All set? What the hell does that mean?

ME: Yeah, he told me he was all set, too.

NEIGHBOR: Well, then I came back in and called the police. They told me they'd check it out, see if he was all set. Did you see the cruiser?

ME: Yeah.

NEIGHBOR: Yeah, huh. Well, I just called the police back. I asked them what the story was on that guy. You know what they told me?

ME: I dunno. That he was all set?

NEIGHBOR: You got it. I asked what the hell that meant and the cops said told me to never mind, he's all set.

After getting off the phone, I found that I was starving so I went into Jamestown center for one of the House of Pizza's huge, delicious chorizo grinders (with cheese and hot peppahs!). I ordered it to go and when Freddie slid it out of the oven, I reached for my wallet.

Next to me, two teenagers were ordering:

"You wanna Coke?" One teen asked the other.

"Naw," said his buddy. "I'm all set on Cokes."

All right! I thought. Nice to know that all set is securely entrenched in the new generation.

Freddie handed me my warm, aromatic sandwich, wrapped in greasy brown paper. "All set?" he asked.

"No."

His eyebrows went up and he looked concerned. "Not all set?"

I smiled. "I'm going to go next door to X-tra mart and get me a coffee milk. Then I'll be all set."

About the author, J. Evan Whitford: J. Evan Whitford, a frequent contributor to RIRoads, is a freelance writer living in Jamestown, RI. He specializes in humorous fiction, has had short pieces published in several different magazines, and his novel will be out in the bookstores in 2005

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